Ca - na - da

Very funny indeed. Forwarded by a fellow Canadian.

There seems to be quite a few clueless people in this
> world..............
>
>
> *Ca - na - da*
> Now that Vancouver will be hosting the 2010
> Winter Olympics, people all over the world are
> asking some questions.
>
> Believe it or not these questions about Canada
> were posted on an International Tourism Website.
>
> Obviously the answers are a joke; but the
> questions were really asked!
>
>
> Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so
> how do the plants grow? ( England )
> A. We import all plants fully grown and then
> just sit around and watch them die.
>
> Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the
> street? ( USA )
> A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
>
> Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -
> can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
> A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take
> lots of water.
>
> Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
> Canada ? ( Sweden )
> A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
>
> Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada
> ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto ,
> Vancouver , Edmonton andHalifax ? ( England )
> A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs
> for trading purposes.
>
> Q: Can you give me some information about hippo
> racing inCanada ? ( USA )
> A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
> south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country
> to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo
> racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come
> naked.
>
> Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
> A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact
> us when you get here and we'll send the rest of
> the directions.
>
> Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
> A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
>
> Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir
> schedule? ( USA )
> A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country
> bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
> Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
> night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight
> after the hippo races. Come naked..
>
> Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
> A: No, WE don't stink.
>
> Q: I have developed a new product that is the
> fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in
> Canada ? ( USA )
> A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
>
> Q: Can you tell me the regions in British
> Columbia where the female population is smaller
> than the male population? ( Italy )
> A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
>
> Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (
> USA )
> A: Only at Thanksgiving.
>
> Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk
> available all year round? ( Germany )
> A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan
> hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
>
> Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
> Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of
> big horse with horns. ( USA )
> A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very
> violent, eating the brains of anyone walking
> close to them. You can scare them off by
> spraying yourself with human urine before you go
> out walking.
>
> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places
> I go? ( USA )
> A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
>
>
> Please send this on to any Canadian (or others)
> who you think will enjoy it as much as I did.